LOLA
The Trauma Voice
“I’ve seen this before and I got hurt. I need to protect myself so I don’t hurt again.”
LOLA is the voice shaped by your past—the part of you that remembers every rejection, abandonment, criticism, or time you felt small and unprotected. Unlike UNGA! who reacts to immediate physical threat, LOLA reacts to remembered emotional danger.
Neurobiology & Origin
LOLA stores implicit emotional memories and core beliefs ("I am not enough", "Everyone leaves"). She uses defense mechanisms and cognitive distortions to pre-emptively push people away or assume the worst.
What it sounds like in your head
How LOLA shows up in everyday life:
- Fear of intimacy or pushing partners away when things get close.
- Overreacting to mild feedback as if it were total rejection.
- Self-sabotage when opportunities for growth or joy appear.
- Believing you are fundamentally broken or difficult to love.
Tools for working with LOLA:
Time-Stamp Validation
Remind yourself: “LOLA is remembering something from my past. Today I am an adult with choices, resources, and safety.”
Compassionate Inquiry
Ask with warmth: “How old does this feeling feel? What past memory is triggering this reaction right now?”
Reparenting Check-In
Offer the younger version of yourself the words you needed back then: “I see you. You didn’t deserve that pain, and I won’t abandon you now.”
